Moving on.....

 Half an hour slot of TV viewing at home is all I get for working for a whole day :) I watch my fav sitcom BBT(Big Bang Theory). Then , in the name of family bonding, I have to go through half an hour to 1 hour of excruciating Indian melodrama. In the name of the "so called" Indian values, sagas are created on how people's banal mistakes can make for really high TRP.
Sanjay Leela Bhansali(SLB),  with SaraswatiChandra(SC), his latest outing on Indian TV, has proven yet again that he probably had bad Gf issues.

Most of his dramas are based on unrequited love which go on for endless hours. If the protagonists had the courage to do the right thing at the right time, those would have made for half an hour to max 1 hour of on air time. Something more productive and intellectually enlightening "could" have occupied the Indian mind space. But, alas, we people love to see what chaos one mistake followed by another, followed by yet another can create.  Those mistakes are seen as "protecting" the Indian misplaced values and not as the lack of courage, that it really is. We don't like bland food in India. You have to spice it up! :) Now, that I am a grown-up, I can see through this nonsense. But, it might be leading a lot of younger ppl in the wrong direction. I do understand that we need to see dramatization of human mistakes to feel good abt our boring lives at times. But, don't we also need a dose of realism or atleast the right thing to do as well.


 Such crass stuff is indeed a part of the Indian subcontinent's staple EQ(Emotional Quotient) diet. Hence, I strongly believe we should add some good stuff as well . There should be episodes after completion on what the story would have been if courage was shown by the protagonist at the right time. That ways, the Indian audience has been given some nutritious food along with the junk. In case of SC , it can be done very simply as follows: Kumudh and SaraswatiChandra fall in love and then he leaves her on the day of marriage. Kumudh is awfully hurt, but decides to start working again. She starts doing well and waits to fall in love with the right man. She fights back. She does not wimp out by marrying some unknown guy to save her family 'izzat'. She does not make a mess out of everyone's life including hers. Then, a handsome loving man falls for her, who is not emotionally unstable like SaraswatiChandra. And.. they live happily ever after :)

Serials like SaraswatiChandra should really come with a statutory warning "Please do not try this at home. This could take your life away". Quite Literally.... :)


Kumudh is made to look prettiest in her Latest collection net sarees and picture-perfect make-up and highly-trained figure. How can a woman who's suffering from loss of her love and suffering from her alcoholic hubby and crying alteast a bucket-load of water everyday look like that..? Ah.. I suppose even the Indian audience does not fall for the drama and watches the serial just to see what's the latest on the fashion scene..... Atleast, I can hope so :)

Found from google search with the term "moving on"

 Anyways, what I wanted to talk about was how after pining for her ex's love for a long time after their break-up, a babe I know discovered how misplaced it was. She requested him multiple times to give their relationship a chance only to be denied. What helped her was asking herself this Q after multiple rejections after their break-up. Can she wait for him forever not knowing if he'll ever reciprocate it ? It looked like that she was clearly not even on his mind frame right now, let alone the heart. Hence, sharing her journey through heart-break in her words. I was impressed by her because she did not overcome the pain by replacing it by anger for the guy, which so many of us do.
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 Break-up maybe because of circumstances or mutual disagreements between the couple, which cannot be worked out. The primary step must be to try all you can while keeping your self-respect, to get back your love. If you fail, then, you *MUST* move on.


People glorify hankering for unrequited love. But, I feel that hankering for too long  is giving in to the pity feeling of not getting what you want and not  really love. Love is like network protocol between 2 hearts and it needs both the hearts to transmit and receive for it to flow. If one is not, the protocol cannot function. It needs two people who feel similar for it to be love. Else, it is just an obsession or a slavery to someone else's qualities. One can feel love like we do for our near and dear ones, which does not pine for the other person's attention. In contrast, pining for unrequited love is really an inner weakness that one is misplacing as love. Pretty much like SLB shielding Kumudh's lack of courage as her values [Neha - Yeah, we bonded over how silly the series SC is :)]. It takes courage to see that weakness in oneself and overcome it. Once its done, its an awakening and freeing moment.

 We always want that unbreakable connection with someone special forever. And if we find someone even close to that, we want to stick to it for life. When we break up with such a person, we want to keep the connection alive no matter what. But, a connection is already lost when one person falls out of it. No point holding on to the broken connect hoping for a re-connection after you've tried.

Your ex  would change from the person who would be worried if it rained wondering if you have an umbrella to a person who might not even want to check how you are despite knowing you are unwell. As much as it might hurt, its great because it tells you with a finality that the connect is no more from one end. So, have your intent on moving on very clear and take each day as it comes with its new clarities and possibilities.

It hurts our ego to think that someone did not value us as much as we deserved and then watching such misplaced serials can really lead us to believe that obsessing over lost love is actually a symbol of how great our love is.  In reality, moving on is the essence of life. Stagnant and stuck-up is the door to unhappiness and death. Its always " go with the flow " and not " rot with the thought ". Everything flows from energy to Prana Shakti to the air we breathe to planets to the sun and everything in the universe. You can desire true love and it'll come to you. Who said its bound to that person who really does not want to be with you for whatever reason. You care for that person? Sure, help them in whatever way you can, the way you would care for a person who's added happiness to your life like most of your dear friends. Believe me, if you have loved someone dearly, the love will come back to you in a different way. Rest, assured that the love you gave away will make its way back to you. That's a rule of the universe.




 But, do let your life flow. Let it bring to you wonderful new people, new experiences, new relationships, new love, who would actually beep back to keep the protocol of love flowing. Yeah, I work for Cisco :) Experience how your happiness is not bound to your ex alone.

You will take time to heal and disconnect from the past. Missing your ex will also be a part of it, so chillax when that happens.


Instead of pining for your ex, focus on yourself so that if you were to meet some person with similar qualities in future, they can also fall for you the way you feel for your ex's. Being true to yourself and loving yourself is the best way to come out winning even if you apparently lost. Have faith. Nothing's the end of life.

   I was reading this thing about the lady who's Miss India this time on how she has lost another beauty paegant before Miss India and how she spoke to the judges after the tournament to figure out her shortcomings to be better prepared for the next competition. Being stuck to her loss would not have got her the crown, right? Work hard on other goals in life and come out like a diamond from a coal mine. And importantly, forgive and forget. Most people don't hurt on purpose. Neither has your ex probably.


All the best!

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 'izzat' - Respect in society
 'shraad' -  A Hindu ritual to give peace and calm to soul of the departed and request them to leave earth and merge with the supreme power.
  Gf - Girlfriend
Prana Shakti - Life-force, also known as Chi in Chinese.

My take on gender-unbaised love

  You got it right. This post is about my thoughts on homosexuality.
  I like to do things the holistic way, which often ends up being the old way of doing things. Hence, it has always been a Question on my mind as to how is homosexuality holistically right. Today being a holiday, let's find out  :).
 
  Love has always been the union of Purusha and Prakriti, which leads to creation. In English, that means that for love to manifest, you need the masculine and feminine energies to work together. Both energies are complete within themselves, but yet need each other. This explains why love does not complete a person. It rather is way to share one's compteteness with the someone one connects with.
 
  Everyone has both these energies, the only difference being the proportions which reflect in our attributes and hence our genders. Love(in the sense of relationship and companionship) blossoms when opposite energies match. If this is the basic holistic definition of love, homosexuality is very much under this umbrella and hence normal and very very much acceptable. If you have been lucky enough to know any homosexuals, you'd observe that their characteristics are either a little over or little under (or sometimes both over and under) the basic norms of the sex they belong to (norms of gender are what we THINK is the norm and hence subject to debate any day :)) and their partners generally the opposite. Sometimes, both could be similar too. Opposites can be in ways that cannot always be seen. Hence, in homosexuals as well, opposite engeries do match enough for love to happen. Its just a little different from what we see regularly.
 
  For ppl who are into bird-watching, finding a bird of a known species with a slightly different color or plummage that what is widely seen is so exciting. That variety fills us with so much joy and wow. Why would we not accept people who are oriented slightly different from the regular normal lot and welcome them into our lives with the same enthu? My gay friends are one of the most exciting and fun ppl I know and I'd root for them anyday. So, should you. Question is do you? If you don't, you oughtta figure out your fear in embracing the new variety that has been added to regular and at times boring binary gender equation.

With more women doning male roles and males doning female roles, the equation is anyways getting interesting and varied. The sooner you accept and enjoy this variety, the more you can free yourself and enjoy the ride of life! In simple words: Go,Embrace the new :)
 
  Short and sweet, I say :) Have you heard abt Andrej? Well, do read up on him. Shown below is Andrej with his designer Partner Duran.

Again, taken from some other webpage. No copyright violation intended.

Random Thoughts

Took it from Google Images depicting the amazingly fun Jungle Book characters

When things come to my mind and there's time to write them, they make their way up here :)

• A problem is not a problem. Its actually the starting point of the way to a solution.
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• To go with the flow is definitely not to surrender/give up to the flow. Its actually to adapt to the flow/situation. You don't give up, you actually change yourself to make most of the situation and have fun nonetheless. 
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• When working hard on a competition, instead of focusing one's energy on defeating someone or attaining glory, energy should be focused on excellence and doing one's best. The satisfaction one gets by doing something beautifully or mastering something itself is the award. That automatically, will get one the glory and also be humbling. The award is not the purpose of art. It is just a reminder that one is on the right path and that God has been kind. One can definitely take inspiration from others to improve. Losing is just a step in the process of winning, if one is determined to explore more and better oneself. It takes us closer to victory.
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• Chaos has a purpose. Its very easy to find peace without any attachments, goals, responsibilities in life. The challenge is to do it with ease and peace when all of the above ingredients are thrown in. Can the soup of life still be made tasty? Have you ever performed to a very fast song. It seems like the world is falling apart. There's just no time to step, leave alone taking a turn. But, as you practice and practice and ease into the apparent chaos in the song, you will actually start going in step with the erstwhile crazy pace. Chaos actually tests your peace and makes your skill stronger. Probably, that's why I feel that monkhood is no achievement in particular.
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• One really needs to have a sense of humor in life. It is great if one can actually laugh at their mistakes and still have the courage and persistence to improve.
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  From Google search with "Just do it"

  
  
• There is no one rule can be applied blindly in every situation. Hence, one should just go by what their internal voice tells them at that time. Even a rule as simple as "never lie" cannot work in all situations. Hence, one should live a life following one's inner voice instead of heeding non-sensical rules. The basic principle that keeps the universe going is what goes round comes round.  And if you do the right thing, right thing will happen to you. The great epic Mahabharat talks abt leading your life based on Dharma. Dharma is not in any rule book. Dharma is just following your inner voice which tells you what you really want to do. It is very liberating  to know that no rules need bind us.
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•  People do the wrong things in life, cheat on ppl, hurt them, break country laws, all to keep money or ppl or things that make them feel powerful or in control. It is ironic that they end up doing the opposite of what they intend to- which is to feel powerful. Just doing the right thing can give you so much inner strength that one can actually feel powerful from within. Have you experienced how powerful one feels when one does not give up when exercising or runs that extra km. It's the joy of going beyond one's expectations. It would be so awesome to do that in the non-physical way. How about doing the right thing which looks difficult? How about going the extra mile to not bribe officials to get our work done faster and actually use the prescribed method. If the method is painful, we should try and get it changed. I recently paid the whole fees and did not bribe the officials for something I bought. Till today, I have an extra inner confidence which has empowered me from within. Nothing else, but an inner pat for doing the right thing could have done this for me.
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• When the going gets tough, the tough get going. So true. The only thing that one needs to remember when going as a toughie is that the love inside should be alive and kicking. Tough is not same as hard. Tough is strong. Hard stuff often breaks into pieces when the right force is applied. Tough stuff stays and changes to accommodate the force. Shamelessness always helps. By shameless, I mean not feeling embarrassed by one's mistakes and being open to failure and probably take the failure on your funny bone. Be receptive to what needs to improve along with not dying of the shame of failure is the magic recipe to take us to happiness and success. It's ok to be sad also, just not give up. Winners are not ones who do not get hit, but ones who comes back even after being hit, mostly stronger.
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• The more time one spends with oneself w/o judging, the better one's life becomes. Non-judgmental observing. It has great power because it is driven by unconditional love and understanding. The more one understands oneself, the less one fears. One becomes aware of one's powers and capabilities. As one keeps observing and taking chances in life, powers and capabilities increase.That is how tai-chi helps too.
  A dear friend of mine had a naive gf who would always ask him, "What do you love most about me?". He would always say, " You are a total package. I like everything.". To that naive girl, it never made sense. When he told me that, even I found the word package not very meaningful and not a good answer for her Question. But, now I get it. He had accepted her as a whole and hence everything was a part of the package that he loved. It's the most basic commandment of love. Accepting the person for who they are. Any improvement in them will automatically start happening once they get that unconditional love from you. And we need to feel that way for ourselves too.
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• Be aware, not conscious of what you do.  Being aware will help witness why you do what you do. Being conscious is just a fear of being judged. It's ok to fail publicly. It's high time we got comfortable with our capabilities and lack of them too.
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• Creativity needs freedom and discipline. Discipline does not come from just the brain. It comes from the entire being. It comes from a calm centre which knows that everything will work out the way we want and that the universe is a good place and that God is just, very just. When there is that calmness, one can discipline oneself for what they want without the restlessness of the if and the when of the desire happening. This discipline gives us freedom to pursue our desires irrespective of road-blocks. 
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• Get up every morning with the zeal and enthu to work on the current goals that you have. It could be a week long goal or a 5-year goal, but get with up with zeal to work on it. That's what this life is about. The goal could be to have fun on a week long holiday or a 5-year goal to become the most effective product manager in your company. I saw the movie Bahubali. The hero of the movie tries to climb a mountain daily, since his childhood. He finally manages to do it when he is 25 years old. What amazed me was the enthu with which we tried daily and fell very often. He succeeded once in those 25 years, but all his tries built his entire physique for the challenge which came his way after he climbed the mountain. The energy and smile with which he would fail was so endearing.Whatever be the goal, why feel bad till we are not there. Being enthu about it will ensure the success. The remaining part would just be the action. 
 

Bahubali - Totally worth a watch. Over-dramatized -Yeah. But, there is substance too!

Bahubali, attempting the climb as a young kid

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• It is never lonely on top if one is inclusive. Only when a person wants to make his/her success exclusive, only for his/her self, does it get lonely. Else, it will always be about the skill and inclusiveness with people of the universe - like-minded ppl, all ppl, any combination.
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•   Sharpness of mind has but one purpose - To cut through bull-shit. Purely that. One needs to be have a cushion below the sharpness, which is impenetrable. The cushion never allows any sharp bitterness to reach the heart and soul, which is well protected by the self and divine. Any temporary things should come and go through the sharpness. Sharpness ejects false stuff easily because of the sharpness. Inner being should talk and guide mind and not vice-versa.

 

A small story on Forgiveness and letting go

 Before you expect the unexpected from me, I'd just like to say that, "Expect the unexpected!" :)This story might sound soppy and preachy. But, you sure can live through this :) Read on!

I went through a break-up  recently and in filmy style, I got into contemplative mode big time.
I was all confused. I used to think all this while that I understood love really well, but suddenly it seemed like I did not actually.
If you fail in a subject multiple times, as much as you can blame your teacher or the whole world, you got to admit that you aren't great at it. I just could not understand why was I failing in Lovology since my teenage days. Back then, I really did not want any serious stuff. So yeah, its ok that I failed back then. But now, when I wanted something serious, I failed again...

I surely can blame the guy 50%. And I'd love to dump the entire 100% on him :) But, the truth remains that I did not do well in the 50% that I was responsible for either.

So,I decided to look closer home. I have a wonderful sister whom I love enormously, but the amount we fight is sometimes not funny. I decided that I ought to find why my relationship with my sis is not as smooth sailing as it should be. After blaming my sis for her mood swings n all kinds of jazz, I decided to probe within. And a stupid fight triggered it. Its so stupid that its a little silly to talk abt it. << Should I talk abt it, should I not.......hmmmmmm >>
What the hell.... Here goes...

 I have a driver on hire for weekends and my sis asked me why I do not share his services when she needs it. "I don't own his copyrights you know. You can always contact him", I replied. "Btw, when do you want him to come for pick-up", I asked, hoping to help her reach out to him. "Weekends at night coz I come home very late", pat came the reply. "Oops! That would not work out coz he has to pick me up early in the mornings on both weekends", I immediately chipped in. "!!!! Why are you getting so possesive abt him? Why can't you let him decide? Its his job for God's sake. Why are you so possessive abt things needlessly?" fumed my sis suddenly. These allegations were enough to blow my lid off too. And then we exchanged some words, which will not add value to this blog Anyways, we darted in opposite directions! And we had officially quarreled......Not throwing a good impression, am I?

Wait.. this might just change. I was fuming and I brought forward all our past fights in my mind and was aaargh!! I wanted to shout!............. I was blaming her for being a bad sister though I loved her so so much, she did not love me and blah, blah,blah....... I was waiting for her to talk to me so that I could show how angry I was at the allegation she made. While I was trying to keep the anger in me alive, it hit me that I was needlessly getting all worked up.

Yes, she misunderstood me and we quarrelled. Does that change the fact that she's a lovely sister. She's been so nice to me. What's the big deal if she shouted needlessly? I shouted back too. Is an aplogy necessary for me to get back to being happy? Isn't love abt forgiving even w/o the other person asking for it? I obviously know that she loves me. She need not prove her love all the time. We are all human beings and we make mistakes or have our moods.
So, when we spoke again, I was normal like nothing happened and so was she. And the issue was gone! just like that! without causing any of us heart-burn. Of course, if this ever comes up again, I'll ensure that I put my point across and will get her a driver when she needs too :) We both were at fault in losing it at each other actually.

Forgiving her and importantly letting it go felt so peaceful. It was like a relaxing swim.... That is something that I had been missing in me for some time unlike my sis. I let go very easily with ppl I'm not so close to versus ppl I am actually really really close to. Weird,huh?

Awww... My fav comic... Got them from Google search. No copyrights owned.

That got me thinking that a lot of love couples break-up needlessly coz they do not learn to trust their love and let go of quarrels. You know if you can let it go and pick up the threads later, you might just be able to sort it out amicably. Just talk it out, instead of fighting it out. Big deal! One of you would be wrong or better-still both :)

I spoke to some couples who are quite different from each other and are still going strong. The main thing that stood out was how they leave things as is when they have a heated argument and go about being nice to each other post that. Of course, the right one waits for the right moment to make the kill and make the wrong one understand the point. Now, its not always necessary to make someone realize their mistake. Sometimes, they just figure it out and their behavior will show it w/o an explicit Sorry. So, instead of being hell-bent on an apology, just chill and believe in your loved one.

If you are with a tough nut, then, I'd say, make your opinion/disagreement known with all explanation and then leave it there. DO NOT let that affect the next conversation. If your argument has any meat in it, it will surely get your tough nut to cracken up :) slowly, but surely....
But,such fights should not stay on your mind and later on keep adding on till an avalanche brings the relationship down. The roothna-manana circus is soooo old-school.Seriously....

What helps at such times is to remember good times, instead of remembering all fights. The latter will just add Ghee to the fire..

Of course, these rules do not apply for the beginning of any relationship when you are getting to know each other and trust n love is still budding.

That also doesn't mean that you disagree all the time and more so for basic things. That aint't gonna work either.

What should stay is the fact that you both love each other, even when the other person has supposedly been mean/unreasonable. Try and understand the other person's point of view or mood if you are the sane one at that point of time. Its like a see-saw, where sometimes you give in, sometimes the other person does. Or like a beautiful Salsa, when one person steps in front, the other steps back to accommodate the other.

A wise person told me that marriage cannot be awesome 100% of the time. Its like life. As long as it is good more than 70% of the time, you are topping the class That person plays it very smart. When she knows that her husband is at fault, she lets him suffer his mistake till realization begins to dawn and at the right moment just suggests that maybe the other approach is better. Of course, when he suffers his mistake, so does she, coz they live together and most decisions affect both. A relationship is not abt winning, its abt co-exisiting with a min 70% happiness as company .

I've learnt an important lesson and so thought of sharing it.

Now, Neha-mata is done for the day! Take a chill-pill and hav fun!

For my Non-Hindi speaking friends:
1) Ghee - Clarified butter(made from cow's milk).
2) roothna-manana - Getting upset - placating the upset one.
3) Neha-Mata - Neha-mother. It is a way to refer a female preacher in Hindi.
4) Filmy Style - If you've seen Bollywood films, you'd understand what I mean here. Just means dramatic style.